Never has, Isn't now, Never Will
by Oblivious-Bystander
Summary: "HEERO YUY!" screamed a very angry tied up, Relena Yuy. "Relena, we talked about this. I said I would go to drastic measures if you didn't change your mind", AU
1. Are We Over

**Never was, Isn't now, Never will**

**Chapter One**

Are We Over

"HEERO YUY!" screamed a very angry, indifferent, tied up, Relena Yuy.

Cringing at the sound of her barking at him, he turned back around to look at his wife who was now, unwillingly, looking quite seductive tied up to their king sized, four post, bed.

Her face being red would be an understatement with her hair never looking messier as she struggled.

"Relena, we talked about this. I said I would go to drastic measures if you didn't change your mind", raising my hands in mock surrender but there was no way in hell I was going to untie her while I was still in the house, not while she looked ready to take on a Spartan army. There was too much stuff around to be thrown. Over the two years of marriage, her aim had improved impressively.

Backing away, one small step at a time, never turning my back to her, there was no telling if she could throw stuff with her feet, I made it to our bedroom door. Almost to freedom, I started to turn around to make my escape when the voice of the devil herself caught my attention.

"Heero Yuy, if you walk out that door and don't untie me this very instant, I'm filing for _divorce_!"

'_That one hurt.' _

Turning around slowly, feet rooted to the floor, I looked into the very eyes that stole my heart all those years ago. Praying I wouldn't see what I feared most, yet I knew I would, I did. She wasn't lying. She never did. She never would. She never has.

"I told you last night, Relena; I've told you a thousand times. You can't go on that trip to Mars, with your brother. The moment you're out of my sight, he's going to start persuading you to move there with him with or without me and no matter how much I know you would love it, we can't move to Mars. Our life together is here. Your job is here. My job is here", I said, letting my shoulders slump down in defeat.

We had this discussion, fight, ever since she ever mentioned the new project on Mars. And, that was 6 months ago. Neither one of us, as irritatingly stubborn we are, could come to a compromise. She wanted to go; I had to stay. And, the fact of it was, it was ruining the one thing we had, our marriage.

Not that I would ever admit it, I was too afraid to lose her. And now, no matter what I did, she would leave.

If I untie her, she goes to Mars. If I leave her there, she'll file for divorce and go to Mars.

She sighed, looking almost touched by what I said because I knew that she knew it was true and that was what hurt the most. She was willingly being taken away.

"Heero, please, I'm tired of fighting."

Nodding hesitantly, pulling a pocket knife out of my back pocket, I slowly walked over to her in two long strides, cutting the leather belt I tied her to the bed post with, returning the knife to my pocket.

"Heero, if you would, call Milliardo and tell him-", rubbing her sore wrists, avoiding most if not all eye contact. I knew what she was going to say.

Interrupting, desperate, I began "Relena, please, I'm begging you!" getting down on my knees before her seated position of the bed, taking her hands in mine, "Don't go to Mars. Don't leave me. We can be happy here. We are happy here. We were happy here. When did it change?"

Her eyes began to tear up, one escaping to roll down her cheek, as she rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand, "Oh Heero, It didn't change. But, Milliardo is my brother and I don't want to be so far away from him"

"Then why do you have to go? Why can't he just stay here?" searching her eyes for anything to give me hope. I found nothing of the sort. In her eyes, was the truth I had tried so hard to avoid. She would always put her brother first.

"It's his job that's making him move! My job isn't important here, Heero. I work at a donut shop for Christ sake!" she cried, throwing our intertwined hands down on her knees.

"But there the best donuts in the world and you know it!" trying to make her smile, trying anything and everything to possibly change her mind. It worked.

For a split second, it worked but no longer than that.

"It's not enough, He-" she started, shaking her head, the smile fading from her chapped lips. There were sores from where they had been chewing on them, even when I told her not to.

"If that's not enough, then, what about me? What about us? Is 'us' enough?" interrupting again. I shuddered to find the answer to my question when the dam holding back her tears broke and she sunk to the floor, in the space between me and the bed, burying her face in her knees as her shoulders shook at the rough assault of her cries.

Standing up slowly, hands empty of hers, I backed away from what I thought would be my happy ending.

Coming to terms with the inevitable, I asked the question that I had been asking myself for the past couple of weeks, when the fights become more than I thought they ever could be.

I asked her, hardly above a whisper, "Are we over?"

Watching her long golden hair frame her angelic face as she slowly looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot, nose running, her face glistening as her tears stained her face, she answered.

"Yeah, Heero, we're over", a frown washing her features as the truth of it all finally sank in. We were done 6 months ago, when she said she wanted to leave for Mars, but neither one of us wanted to accept the truth.

Nodding, eyes darting around the olive green walls of the room that many memories were created in, I gave a mental goodbye to it all. Once she was gone, I would have to move. This house wasn't a home for an ex-husband. Looking down at her, I silently pulled the golden band from my finger as if I couldn't bear the lie of it being there any longer. She turned away from me, guilty; she slowly pulled the rings from her finger as well, holding them loosely in her hand.

Pain flared in my chest and it threatened to spill over for all to see. Not willing to let the woman before me see me weak or affected by our failed relationship, I turned to retreat. Walking out, never once looking behind me to see the for sure crying woman that I loved with all my heart, not allowing her see me shed one tear that she caused with this stupid meaningless repetitive argument that just ruined our marriage; I dropped the golden band on the kitchen counter never breaking my stride for the garage door and left the warmth of the house that was once my own without a clue of where I would go.

I got into the white minivan, beckoned it to life, turned up the music and pulled out of the familiar driveway to let my heart take me where it wanted to go on the familiar roads.

Before I knew it, I was on Duo's doorstep, ringing the doorbell just as it started to rain.

Hilde answered, "Hey Heero, what made you drop by?" she froze, giving me a look over. Being friends for as long as we had, she could read the signs: dark jeans, Patriots Hoodie that I hated, sandals, and open eyes, unable to hide all the emotions inside me. These were the clothes of the first stage of my heartbreak. Next, it would go to sweat pants and finally, just my underwear, never leaving my bed, drunk.

Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around me and I returned the embrace, letting myself go.

Tears and whimpers were forced from me like a child getting their candy taken away by a bully. It was far too easy. Falling to my knees, Hilde going down with me as she whispered soothing words of comfort, rubbing my back, I let the pain free.

I didn't even notice a car drive up until Hilde's head lifted from where it had rested on mine.

I didn't have to look up to notice the exchange from the married couple. I knew that by her just looking at him; he would know everything without saying a single word.

Duo, gently, pulled me up by my arm and ushered me inside as Hilde closed the front door and left in her red Honda. I knew where she was going but I couldn't bear to give it any further thought.

Looking up, meeting Duo's pained eyes from where he sat on the coffee table before me, I just shook my head, "why?"

Duo only looked down, his braid falling effortlessly over his shoulder, "I don't know, buddy", looking back up to me, "I just don't know"

Nodding, I slumped back into the couch I was sitting on, throwing my head back to take a deep breath as my hands washed away the evidence of a break down on my face, to rake into my hair.

"I need a drink"

Gripping a plain blue dinner plate, Relena could see her dim reflection: cold, ugly, and horrible.

Grinding her teeth she raised it over her head and brought it down on the corner of the counter to shatter to pieces on the floor.

A little relieved, she pulled another dish from the rack by the sink and let it fly towards the wall with all the force she could summon.

With a loud crack, it shattered just the same.

But, despite the relief she felt in destroying the two plates, her heart clenched at the thought of how her and Heero used to sit every night at their dinner table, eating dinner, using those very plates.

'You can't keep doing this to yourself.'

Looking down at my quivering hands, I took in a shaken breath when I noticed for the hundredth time that day that my ring finger was empty. It had only been 30 minutes since Heero left in haste but it felt like years had passed.

Before I knew it, I had another plate in my hand. Screaming, I threw it, too, at the wall.

'How dare he just leave like that! Why didn't her try to stop me? Why wouldn't he just go to Mars? Yeah, he has a restaurant here but he can make one on Mars, too!'

Tears pooled out of my eyes effortlessly. Look at me. I'm a monster. I drove him away. I drove him away with my unwillingness to disappoint my only brother, only living relative.

Pinching my temple, I whimpered in agony, remembering the look in his eyes.

When he was begging me to stay, begging, his deep blue Prussian eyes were filling with nothing but hope and hurt, hurt that I caused. He had never, ever begged for anything in his entire life. It just wasn't worth it if you had to beg, to him. But, he got down on his knees, and begged.

And, when he asked if we were over…his eyes were tearing me apart.

They were filled with pain and betrayal and shock.

Heart clenching, I slowly made my way to the living room, heading to the front door for some fresh air. There were too many memories in this house.

Freezing, hand inches from the door knob; I realized there were just as many memories outside. Wherever I looked, whatever I touched, there was a memory.

A loud knocking noise made me scream, jumping back, heart racing.

Suddenly it picked up, 'What if it's Heero?'

Then just as suddenly, it plummeted, 'Heero wouldn't knock on his own front door would he? What if it's Milliardo?'

Biting my thumb nail, unwilling to open the door because of the thought, I paced in place nervously.

Just when my heart had gotten to a regular pace, the knocking sound came again, rougher this time.

Throwing my hands into my hair, I rushed to the door, looking out the peep hole.

Hilde?

Quickly, opening the door, Hilde's arms circled my waist in a quick hug. Then just as quickly as she had hugged me, she pulled away, sending her hand slicing through the air to come into contact with my right cheek.

Gently, placing my hand over the burning scarlet place on my face, I looked up to her with wide eyes.

Then, it all clicked. She knew.

Realization washed over me, and the pain that had temporarily subsided came back in full force. Heero went to see Hilde and Duo.

Sinking to my knees, dropping my head to the floor, I cried. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore then I cried some more, proving myself wrong. And, I hated to be wrong. I hated wrong things. I hated wrong people. I hated wrong situations. And, right now, everything felt wrong.

The very moment I told Heero that we were done, it felt wrong. I had cried ever since earning myself only a bigger headache than I had already had when Heero decided to tie me up to prevent me from going.

All in all, it was sweet. And, what did I do? I told him I was going to file for divorce!

Clenching the fabric of my shirt covering my chest, I secretly wish I was crushing the heart beneath it.

Something warm touched my shoulder. Looking up, I saw Hilde, her eyes full of sympathy and pain, anger. I had no reason to question her feelings. She was Heero's friend before she was ever mine. They go way, way back. And, I hurt him. She had set us up in the first place, in exchange to be introduced to Duo.

Suddenly wanting to defend myself, a flood of words escaped my lips before I had even formed a reasonable sentence.

"I am so sorry but Milliardo is the only family I have left and he wanted me to go. I didn't want to do that to Heero, I swear. I love him. I love him and I left him. He must hate me… All he had to do was go to fucking Mars and we wouldn't be in this mess. No, I'm wrong. I should have been more willing to stay…"

"Relena, stop, he doesn't ha-"

"Oh my god what did I do? I'm going to rot in hell for this. I should just kill my-"

"Don't be ridiculous! You said yourself that you should have been more willing to sta-"

"How dare he force me to choose between him and my family? He had no right! I-"

"But, Rele-"

"There he goes, trying to blame this all on me! But, he's wrong! He-"

"Relena-"

"He should be more willing to go! All he has is a stupid little restaurant that-"

"Relena.."

"You know what? If he wants me back, he ca-"

"RELENA!"

Hilde's harsh tone stopped me. Thinking back on what I was saying, I was ambushed with a wave of guilt. No, Heero wasn't wrong. He was never wrong. And, that was what always drove me crazy because I simply hated ever being the wrong one. But when can you be right if Heero's never wrong?

Vision blurring, a wall of tears forming, I looked up at Hilde. Though I couldn't see her through my tears, I knew what she looked like. She was wearing a frown with tears of her own.

"Oh, Hilde…What did I do?" finally admitting my defeat.

Pressing my head to her warm, though rain soaked, chest, she embraced me, resting her head on my own as my tears were pushed out of me. She brushed back my hair, kissed my head, rubbed my back, and tightened the hug every now and then while cooing words of comfort.

There we sat, for a good long hour, on the floor in front of the open front door, making the atmosphere cold and wet. None-the-less, we didn't move. We just rocked back in forth as my pain seeped and poured from my eyes like a rapid river going over a waterfall.

I don't know what time it was when we finally stood up from our position on the floor. I guess all our warmth had seeped into the floor instead of keeping our bodies at a comfortable temperature.

Hilde led me to my bedroom, which was where I dreaded to be, to leave me to take a shower. She said it would help me feel better and whether it would or wouldn't; I didn't argue.

Letting the water run, not getting in quite yet, I heard Hilde talking.

Wrapping a towel around my bare body, I silently cracked the door open to see her sitting on the edge of my bed, her back to me. With my cordless home phone pressed to her ear she fiddled with something between her thumb and fore finger.

Squinting, I gasped to see it was my wedding band and engagement ring that I put on the night stand after Heero left. Again, I had forgotten I had taken it off at all.

Caressing the now noticeably bare skin on my ring finger, I listened to what she was saying even though I could only hear one side of the conversation.

"Yeah…How is he?...Don't be serious…Duo, why'd you let him drink so much if you knew that was going to happen?"

Heero was drinking? But, Heero never drank except for big occasions… Was he that depressed?

"She's okay… There were shattered glass everywhere…what?... No, she just cried the whole time…she rambled a lot, taking the blame, then blaming him, you know, hysterical… She's in the shower…I'll tell her… I've got to call Milliardo before he ends up throwing a search party for her… No, her phone is just loaded with missed calls from him... Yeah Okay… Love you too…Bye"

Taking the phone away from her ear, she dialed what I assumed was Milliardo's number. Caring less on how he would react, silently blaming him for all that happened, I shut the door with a soft click that I hoped Hilde didn't hear and let the towel drop to the floor from around my body. Stepping over it, I opened the door to the shower, and got in.

Hilde was right, it felt great.

But, it wasn't the heat of the water, the steam fogged up the glass walls around me, or the feeling of my silky hair as I ran my fingers through it that had my minds attention.

With an aching heart, I began to remind myself that Heero wouldn't be in our bed when I walked out of here, waiting for me to join him so we could go to sleep. We never went to sleep with the other. I reminded myself, Heero wasn't going to hop in here to surprise me with inappropriate intentions like he had done a couple times in the past, completely unexpected. And, I reminded myself, Heero wasn't coming back, because he was stubborn and bullheaded. And, I wasn't going to ask for him back, because I was just as stubborn and just as bullheaded. And, because neither of us would admit that we were wrong or confess what we knew we should have done…

We were over.

Sinking down against the wall, water beating down on my tender skin, I allowed myself a few moments to forget it all, and to just pretend it was all a dream.

For one last time, I allowed myself to believe Heero and I were still together.

I allowed myself to forget my mistake.

So...Hate it? Like it? Love it? It IS an 1xR story so don't give up hope! Thanks for reading. Much appreciated. R&R?


	2. Ten Years Later

**Never was, Isn't Now, Never Will**

**Chapter two**

Ten Years Later

Before I even turned around, I knew what was there. After years upon years, you learn to develop what I called the Idiot-Radar. And, from my readings, there was one close by, too close.

So close, I could see him now, standing directly behind me with a bowl of cherry jell-o poised to spill down onto my freshly showered head, I could sense it. Also, there was a mirror in the next room positioned just right for me to see the whole disaster about to commence.

"If you value your life, you'll back away from me with the Jell-o remaining in the bowl" watching his astonished face of disbelief as he silently tip-toed away, placing the bowl on the counter then taking a few steps away even further to say, "What? I don't know what you're talking about, man"

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to the papers scattered on Duo's tabletop. They were the ratings and new ideas for my business that I just so recently decided to share with Duo. But, with the way he reacted, I began to regret ever suggesting it to him. I hated close contact with people, especially hugs. Most of all, hugs from Duo.

Shuffling the papers around, looking for the one with the new Menu layout, a ringing noise broke the silence of the air. Looking up to the old fashioned phone on the wall, it still had one of those long cords, ringing loudly. Glancing behind me to Duo, who wasn't going to answer it, I growled as I reached for the phone. It wasn't even my house and I answered his phone more than he did.

"Maxwell's residence" with my classic deadpan tone.

"Hey Heero, is Duo around?" said Hilde. From the commotion in the background, it sounded like she was in her new convertible with the top down, wind scraping within the speaker. She only did that when something big happened.

"Duo, it's your wife" holding the phone out and away from my body as he slid by, snatching it up.

"Hey babe, what'd the doctor say?" a wide grin on his face. He had been waiting for this call but obviously not enough to answer the phone himself when it rang.

There was a pause, a couple of nods and uh huh's before Duo jumped up in the air with a wild cry of joy before he hung up the phone.

He spun around, a huge grin on his face. I hadn't seen him happier since the day Hilde accepted his engagement proposal. It only took him half a dozen times to get it right.

Clicking his heels, he ran for the front door.

Following Duo, I called after him from the small porch, "What is it? What'd they say?"

Duo stopped mid-sprint and put cupped hands around his mouth to make him louder, if it was possible, despite the fact they were only a few feet apart. "We're having a baby!"

A warm feeling filled my chest, and a wide smile stretched across my face. Nothing could be better than seeing their family grow no matter how annoying they could be, especially with how happy it made Duo now.

"Really?" joining him in the front lawn where he was currently doing a cartwheel.

"Really really, man! There's gonna be a little Maxwell comin' to town!"

Before I knew it, Duo had me in a bear hug, jumping up in down. I couldn't help but return it even if I hated any type of affection.

Ever since I had met Duo, I hated his loud mouth and his ridiculous jokes but I immediately respected his personality when I found out about his past. Duo didn't have a family… like me.

And, with the fact that he was able to have a family of his own, I couldn't help but to be overjoyed. They were my family. I couldn't wait to greet the little brat!

A bright red convertible turned into the drive-way, honking its horn loudly, attracting the attention of neighbors. Hilde, throwing it into park, threw the car door open and ran, screaming, to Duo. She pounced into his arms, and he spun her around in the air, screaming. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

No, I have never seen him happier. Looking to Hilde, who was impersonating spongebob squarepant's dance, bring-it-around-town, she was radiating. Knowing her for as long as I have, I have never seen her glow like a light bulb before without a black light installed nearby.

Catching my gaze, she broke into a bigger grin, if it were even possible, running to me with her arms wide. I crushed her in my embrace, whispering in her ear, "Congratulations"

She pulled away just enough to beam at me, mouthing the words 'thank you'.

Without warning arms wrapped around us in an unwilling group hug. If it were any other day, I would have pushed him away, but now, I could only laugh.

There was nowhere else I'd rather be.

Starring seriously at the long tabletop, I swayed back in forth in my chair. _'Is this real wood or plastic'_ running my fingers lightly over it _'definitely plastic'_

Raising an eyebrow, I mentally wondered just how many places had real wood tables anymore.

'_I'll look it up…'_

"What do you think, Ms. Dorlian?" a voice from my right said, startling me.

Looking up, I saw the large group of politicians waiting patiently for my reply.

'_Shit. What'd he say?' _Looking up to where the voice came from

Looking at him intently, I almost tried draining his recent words from him. To my disappointment, I failed.

"Yes" not having a clue what I was agreeing to or whether there was something to agree to.

To my relief, more than half of them broke into grins and thankful sighs. At least it was the right answer…but what did I just agree to?

Smiling back at them as if I knew exactly what was going on. I had been told I had the perfect poker-face.

"Your flight will leave at 8am sharp tomorrow morning and I'll have your secretary set your flight first class." Sliding a large folder down the table "These are the papers and guidelines for the assignment, people you'll meet, and so on. Enjoy your trip"

My jaw dropped eyes wide_. 'Where the fuck was I supposed to go?'_

The crème folder slid to a stop before me. Opening it, I froze.

They were firing me!

They were sending me to Earth to meet my replacements! What the hell!

I was astounded. Obviously, they had noticed a long time ago I wasn't interested in this job and could hardly stay awake long enough to catch what people were saying. Politician stuff was never my thing. When it was time to elect a president, I just picked the one Heero was picking…hoping that he knew what he was doing.

Looking up, I saw them filing out of the conference room, patting each other's backs. They really wanted me gone…

Pushing away from the table, picking up the folder slowly, I made my way out the door still in shock. Glancing up, I saw a cardboard box sitting on my desk a few yards away. They already packed my desk?

A wave of hurt washed over me as I just starred at it. I had never been fired before. I've always tried my best to please but…I really, really hated this job. I only agreed to it because Milliardo didn't trust anyone else in the position. What would I tell him?

Placing the folder in the box, sliding on my coat, and slinging my purse over my shoulder, I walked out of my office with my failure under my arm. It made it worse when people stopped what they were doing to watch me go. With smiles on their smug little faces.

Once I got down to my car in the garage, I couldn't stand the embarrassment any longer and threw the box to the ground, scattering the contents across the underground parking lot. Heaving in cold air, I let out a heavy groan, stomping my foot into the ground, scuffing up my heels.

My adrenaline full of rage left as quickly as it had come, turning into a heavy depression, transforming my angry growls into heart wrenching sobs. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I cursed my sensitivity. I'd prefer it better if I was just hot headed not that I wasn't.

Looking back over to the scattered contents, I reluctantly began to pick them up and set them back into the box now lying on its side.

Just as I was reaching to pick up an over turned photo, not sure of what it was, a strong wind began to blow, fluttering it away.

Cursing to myself for throwing everything out of the box in the first place, I chased after it with the best of my ability in heels and a box pinned under my arm.

Finally, as it got caught on the tire of a blue SUV, I picked it up slowly and walked to my car just on the other side of the SUV.

Placing the box in the passenger seat of my white Honda Civic, I read the little note on the back of the photo that said: Merry Christmas, and turned it photo over without a clue of what it would be.

'_Maybe somebody accidently put it in the box…"_

All my senses froze, my heart stopped, my breath hitched, and all I could do was see.

The photo was of me and Heero, happier than ever and newly wedded.

Peering over it, I slowly remembered the day. We were at Hilde's and Duo's for Christmas dinner and it began to snow outside. I was in my favorite blue jeans and maroon sweatshirt and black boots. Heero was in a dark pair of blue jeans and a hoodie that said Red Socks across the chest. I bought it for him for Christmas. It was his favorite team.

Because of our immaturity, we all went outside and started a snow fight. After planting a cold ball of ice into Heero's face, mainly because nobody could seem to hit him, he tackled me to the ground. With me in his arms, hair flying into the air, snow coming down and mated to our closes, and bright smiles on our faces, our noses red from the cold, the picture was taken and given to us when they were developed.

I had forgotten I had put it in my desk when I was given the job.

'_We were so happy then'_

Pain clung to my heart as the memories flooded into my mind. It was all because I had to go with Milliardo.

"_Are we over?"_

"_Yes, Heero, we're over."_

Numb tears streaked my cheeks as I remembered the day. After Hilde left that morning, I found his wedding band on the counter, something I didn't notice when I destroyed our dinner plates the previous evening. I immediately left with Milliardo and left the responsibility of divorce to Hilde and Duo.

They were a great help, sending my things, packing up the house, selling it and most of all, dealing with Heero when I couldn't. We never said a word to one another after our last fight. And, that was ten years ago…

The assignment called out to me from the passenger's seat. Tearing the folder from the box, I read over it again before I found what I was looking for.

My heart sunk and new tears formed just as soon as they dried.

The destination was in New York.

Mine and Heero's home.

The city was large so I probably wouldn't just randomly run into him or anything…

Turning the key in the ignition, I listened to it roar to life as the last of my tears faded and the low hum of the radio filled the car.

I had to talk to Hilde…

'_Heero…'_

So she's going to Earth. Hilde and Duo are having a baby. She still misses him. Does he miss her? Well, I'm in a stump and can't seem to figure out what I want to happen. Suggestions? R&R? Help!


	3. You're Not My Wife

Never was, Isn't Now, Never Will

Chapter three

You're Not My Wife

Telling Milliardo about getting fired was…eventful. I couldn't say I was expecting him to be very understanding on the new turns of events not to mention my last assignment, but I at least expected a little more, how do I say it, acceptance? He knew I didn't take the job seriously. Mars wasn't my home and I hardly knew the basics about it enough to insure a lifetime career as the Mars Representative. Actually, after the shock settled in, I almost saw it as a blessing, but, now, not so much…

Looking out of my shuttle window, I admired the stars that I had become so found of over the past ten years. It was different on Mars, when you looked up at the stars. They seemed just so much closer and Earth had all these lights blocking their natural shine. Not that Mars didn't, it just seemed different.

Sighing heavily, I drummed my fingers over the one suitcase I was bringing with me to Earth resting in my lap. I didn't need anything else. I didn't have any furniture to haul with me, not many personal possessions or clothes that Milliardo couldn't just bring with him when he came down to check in on me. He never exactly said he was going to but knowing him, he would.

It had been four hours since I had left the airport on Mars and I still hadn't gotten the nerve to call Hilde. It wasn't that I couldn't. Planes and shuttles had come a long way, allowing you phone access with no dangerous side effects on the air craft. The only thing holding me back was any grudge she may have against me.

We had tried to keep in touch at first, sent video messages, called frequently, and so on. But, after about a year, the contact sort of dissolved into thin air as if it was never there in the first place. I was busy with my new job that was thrust upon me with guilt and I couldn't really say why she would stop. I never really took it personally and I still considered her one of my most trusted friends but a part of me was afraid nonetheless.

In fact, I had opened and closed my phone at least 50 times by now, dialed the number 20, and let it actually ring twice. I just couldn't bear to let it go all the way through. Plus, I didn't even know what time it was there.

"Just call her already, Relena; what do you have to lose?" I said to myself aloud. I groaned when I realized I had her and Duo to lose. I had already lost Heero…

But that was my fault.

Drumming my fingers again, I looked over the small crowd that sat on the shuttle. Not very many people really lived on Mars yet so it wasn't like very many people could leave.

I froze when I landed on a pair of blue eyes in my nosey examination of the other passengers. I even started to get nervous when said person didn't look away but in fact rose from his seat and started walking in my direction. With each step he took, my heart started beating faster and dropped further and further into my stomach until I felt ready to die rather than sit and worry on what this man was going to do.

But to my surprised, he smiled down at me when he got to my empty row of seats aside from one person, me.

"I'm sorry, I was being rude. I really didn't mean to stare." Giving me a once over before adding, "I hope I didn't startle you…"

I didn't really know what to say. Hell yeah you startled me? No, I couldn't say that.

Smiling cautiously, I held up my thumb and fore finger a little less than an inch apart, as if I was describing the size of something really small, "Just a wee bit" laughing nervously

He frowned, and I couldn't but feel guilty for it. "Really, it's fine though. I just wasn't expecting to find eyes looking at me much less find them walking towards me."

"Sorry, I've been watching you curiously for awhile now, I'm sorry to say" shrugging apologetically, before looking down at the endless row of empty seats beside me, "May I?"

Nodding, he sat down beside me, turning his body to face mine, "I'm Quatre Winner" offering his hand to me

Accepting it I gave him the warmest smile I could manage under the circumstances, "Relena Y-…Dorlian"

I was shocked. I hadn't made that mistake in…years.

Ignoring it, Quatre started explaining himself which I can I admit I was curious to know, "I really am sorry. I mean, I would be a little freaked to, you know, to see someone watching me let alone be told by the very person!

"But, the reason I was watching you was because you seemed to be…upset about something. I'm not a therapist or anything I just always find myself trying to comfort complete strangers with their problems that I really have no business to know which most folks remind me so…"

I looked upset? Either way, I couldn't help but feel at least a little flattered that he was worried about me, a complete stranger who could very well possibly thinking out a plan to take down the plan to end all our lives.

"So…would you like to talk about it?" His voice interrupted my mental ranting. And when I finally came around to figuring out exactly what he said, I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to or not. I hadn't talk to anyone about ten years ago…

Looking at him, with hope that I could trust him, I smiled shyly, "I don't know. I mean, sure, yeah I would be nice to get things off my chest but I really wouldn't want to bother you with-"

"No, it wouldn't bother me at all, Ms. Dorlian! If it did I would be over here trying to figure it out"

He had a point. "Relena's fine."

"Then I must insist on Quatre"

I couldn't help but give him a genuine smile, he really did deserve it. I could tell he was a very caring person, maybe even a person I would like to keep as a friend someday, "Well, Quatre, I don't know where to begin…"

"Start with the root of the problem and work your way up to why you kept opening and closing your phone, I have time for a long story. We still have seven more hours to go till earth"

Hesitant, I started from the horrible accident that ruined my life since and once I began, I couldn't stop the words from flowing, pouring my heart out to a stranger that I had already given my trust.

"It all started when my only brother and only living relative was assigned to the project to build and create a city of dreams on Mars ten years ago…"

Groaning inwardly, rolling my eyes into the back of my head once she left, I cursed the braided idiot for fixing me up on a date. She was pretty, she was nice, she had a perfect body but she was dumb, couldn't hold an argument, didn't force her opinions, and didn't appreciate the art of food.

There were far too many strikes to even consider a second date, there were before I even met her.

"Sorry about that…" said person said as she returned to her seat, returning her blackberry to her zebra print purse, another strike. But her honey blonde hair was a plus.

"It's fine. Who was it?" only slightly curious

"It was a patient scheduling an abortion-"

I couldn't let her continue any further, "You support abortion?" I was completely disgusted.

"Whether I support it or not has nothing to do-" fumbling for words as my sudden outburst

"Just answer the question."

"Yes, I support abortion. I think everyone woman as a right to her own body and right to do with and the life in as she pleases-"

"Yes, she has right to her body but not to the life in it! Its murder!" how could anybody support such a thing!

"I can see how you'd think that, Heero, but if the woman isn't ready for a baby then it shouldn't be brought into a world where it can't be probably cared for and-"

"If you can't care for it then you put it up for adoption, not kill it-"

"How is that any better when orphanages all over the world already have a handful of kids they can hardly care for when you could just save the child from the misery of-"

"There wouldn't be so many kids in orphanages and foster homes if the system didn't take so fucking long to let good parents adopt a goddamn kid. There wouldn't be so many kids in there if they would just let gays adopt-"

"You support homosexuals?" now she seemed appalled, he could hear it in her voice.

"They are human beings just like the rest of us with their own personal lives that shouldn't be judged by public eyes. If someone has a problem with it then just don't fucking look."

"Homosexuals are sins walking on two legs! It says in the bible that-"

"I don't give a rat's ass what your fucking bible says!"

"Heero!-"

"It says in the bible that you're not supposed to curse, you're not supposed to have sex, and you're supposed to pray every day. It says a lot of things. It says you're not supposed to murder or get divorced. But, look at everyone who does it anyway! You don't walk around and judge them do you!"

"But that's different-"

"How is it different? Someone you don't know likes someone of the same sex. How is that in any way affecting your life as we speak this very moment? How is their love for one another harming the world? They are just couples like the rest of the other couples. Who are you one to judge!"

It was quiet and after a moment I realized that most of the restaurant was watching. Sighing, I cursed myself for letting my opinions get the better of me.

"Heero, why don't you like me?" eyeing him with questioning brown eyes. It'd be better if they were blue.

Looking up in shock, I was surprised by the question. I wasn't expecting it…at all in fact, "what?"

"Duo said you'd be hard to get along with but ever since I've opened my mouth you've just argued with me and criticized me and insulted me… You're not even the slightest bit attracted to me."

I didn't need this… Standing up, throwing a couple twenty's on the table out of my wallet, I tried to make my leave. Too much annoyance, she scampered up, following me out, calling my name till we made it out the front door. If she wanted to make a scene she could do it by herself.

Opening the door to my car outside the building, I turned around, "What do you want!" I didn't know why the question bothered me so much…but I didn't really feel like trying to find out. At the moment, I was more set on killing a braided bastard.

Before I could react, she was kissing me, holding on to my next like someone else used to do…. It only made me angrier.

Pushing her away, I quickly rubbed my mouth raw till I was sure her imprint was gone, "What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"I just kissed you and you didn't even kiss me back!" I didn't know she was one to throw herself at you, if I had known I would have left a long time ago not caring how she felt about it.

"What did you expect me to do? I don't like you, Harriet and I never will!" sliding into my car. I was about to shut the door when something stopped it…

"But, why? What's wrong with me?" determined for some sort of answer

Looking at her, I let my mind go blank and said the first answer that entered my mind, the most honest answer there could be.

"You're not my wife"

Mkay so i know i haven't been trying very hard on this. I don't really know where i want this story to go and when i get an idea i get a better one. But, I figured it was about time i owed anybody who might be reading this a chapter. So is it okay? not okay? tell me what you think and ill do my best to write Chapter 4 soon. R&R please!


	4. You'd be Surprised

Never was, Isn't Now, Never Will

Chapter Four

You'd be Surprised

Just as I settled down onto the couch, the door that I had just closed was thrown open with a bang. Not even having to look up, I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. I should have locked the door.

"What do you want, Maxwell" monotone as always. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

I could see him now, pacing, seething, and charging at me this very moment yet still I didn't move. I never did and he never hit me. He had grown soft years upon years of living with a woman who won more fights, emotional and physical, than he did.

"Why the fuck did you make Harriet think you were married! You said she wasn't your wife, Heero! You don't have one anymore! Move! On!" only a couple feet away from the couch I sat on. I knew because I could feel him watching me, burning holes into my face. I didn't move. We had this conversation after every date he set me up on. Well, except the part where I said I had a wife, I didn't even remember doing that.

"I never said I was married" casually, maybe it was a lie, I really didn't know.

"Yeah you did, man. You said you didn't like her because she wasn't your wife! What was that all about?" roughly pacing in front of the couch, jerking around with each turn waiting for my, most likely, smartass answer.

I couldn't remember saying that. But, I couldn't really say I was surprised that I did. Even now, I only saw Relena as my wife, not my ex wife, not an old girlfriend or even a friend, my wife. I probably meant to say that Harriet wasn't Relena, but to me, 'wife' and 'Relena' are the same things.

Watching Duo carve a path into my floor, I figured I should give him an answer before he feel through to the next floor below.

"I don't know. We had too many differences. She was too judgmental and believed in abortion-" remembering our argument at dinner.

"So what, man! Haven't you ever heard opposites attract?" throwing his arms out, stopping directly in front of me.

"I told you in the first place that I didn't want to go on a date with anybody. I don't want to date. I don't want to fall in love. I just want to go on with life as it is now. Leave me the hell alone." glaring at him. I was disappointed when he was immune to it.

"I know you don't think you're ready but-" his voice growing softer, and more annoying

"It's not about being ready or not, Duo. I've been ready for years now. I just refuse to act on it" standing up, pushing past his friend, and searching the kitchen for anything strong

"But you're miserable!" following even if he knew he wasn't wanted, not right now anyway. He just couldn't stand to watch his friend wither away

"I am not miserable! Stop acting like you know me and how I feel! Relena left me because she had to! I could have gone with her but I didn't! It's over! It's done! Get over it!" Slamming the fridge when I didn't find what I was looking for.

"I'm not the one who needs to get over it, Heero! Relena was my best friend throughout school. We did everything together. We swapped information. We told and kept secrets. She introduced me to my wife! But, best friends or not, she was wrong for leaving you and it's about time you moved on already"

Silence followed. I didn't know what to say. He was right after all and I didn't like it when he was right. She was wrong to leave me. But, I couldn't hate her like I should. I loved her too much to hate her.

"I have high standards" half lying, my standards were hardly standards at all

"But you can't set your standards as high to say that if you're not Relena you're not good enough, man; you'll never get a girl that way" stepping into the light of the kitchen

"I don't…" opening a cabinet, still searching

"You do!"

"I do not, Max-"slamming the cabinet closed, empty handed

"Then why did you tell that chick that she wasn't good enough because she wasn't your wife?" stomping a little for better affect, he was a drama king.

"I can't give my heart to someone when I never got it back from the person I gave it to" finally finding the bottle I was looking for

"Then grow a new one! Christ!" pausing when his phone rang, looking questionably at the number on the screen "Hello?"

Taking my chances with the rum I had found, I took I a swig when Duo turned away, walking out of the kitchen. Hopefully he would leave soon, it was already midnight and I didn't feel like hearing him try to give me love advice, I didn't need it. I knew how to love someone. I knew how to flirt and hit on girls. But, anytime I tried, took a chance, I found myself overwhelmed with guilt.

Pulling a large glass from the sink, I poured a large amount of the alcohol in, and gulped as much as I could stand, hissing been I set it down.

If there was anyone to win my interest right now, it'd be the one person who threw it away years ago.

After pouring my heart and soul out on a strangers hands, he had a suggestion. He would call and if they picked up he would put the phone to my ear. It was simple. It was childish. We tried it.

We called Hilde three times before I convinced him it was pointless. She rarely ever answered unknown numbers but that only brought on questions on why she didn't have my number if we had tried to keep in touch. That, I couldn't answer. I didn't know.

Then, under much debating, he decided I should call Hilde's husband and my long time friend, Duo. It was a good idea, yes, but it was even harder to call him. He had been my friend for years, for as long as I could remember. He took the divorce hard and spent most of his time comforting Heero instead of me when I had moved. Around that time, I grew closer and closer to Hilde. Then one day, she, too, stopped calling.

Dialing the number myself, I pressed the phone to my ear and held my breath, ignoring the blonde haired and blued man I had befriended beside me. It had put me up to this anyway.

"Hello?" his familiar voice rang through my ears, sounding a little confused and frustrated. I just couldn't believe he actually answered and only after three rings.

"I'm sorry is this a bad time?" turning towards the window, feeling Quatre's gaze burning holes in me. He was watching how everything went and also was on guard to make sure I didn't hang up or fake the call altogether. I knew because I had tried it already.

"…Who is this?" a little jokingly, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought he was being punked. There was a sound other than his, a muffled noise that I couldn't make out.

Taking a deep breath, "Duo…I'm coming to Earth and…" unsure on whether I should tell him, afraid of his reaction, "its Relena…"

There was a long pause and another muffled noise from the background before his voice started screaming into the phone, I had to pull it away from the sudden pain of the volume, "RELENA! OH MY GOD IS IT REALLY YOU!" laughing into the phone.

Something broke on his end, it sounded like glass, "Yeah it's me…I'm sorry, it's been forever and then some since…" already trying to explain myself. He didn't seem to hear me.

"WHEN ARE YOU COMING!" still screaming excitedly, making me wince as I tried to return the phone to my ear.

"Oh, well, I'm on the shuttle right now. I should be there in a few hours…I think…" finally looking at Quatre as he held up two fingers, "I should be there in two hours"

"Oh my god this is great, Relena, so much as happened!" I could see him now, prancing.

"…Like what?" suddenly worried. What if Heero got remarried? What if he had a girlfriend? What if-

"Hilde's pregnant!" now I could hear his stomping, which only meant he was jumping up and down.

A smile broke across my face and my body was filled with warm happiness. Hilde was pregnant!

"Oh, Duo, I'm so happy for you! I can't believe it! I can't wait to see her!" letting myself relax into the conversation. I had missed this. All of this.

"You mean you're coming here?" choking coming from the background. Who in hell was he with?

"Oh…well, the thing is…I was fired-"tensing again. I knew what was coming.

"You were fired? Oh my god that's funny!" bursting into laughter, more choking from whoever was with him. My face burned with embarrassment.

"Duo, it's not funny! I've never been fired from anything my entire life!" And, it was true, until now.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry" still trying to control his laughter, "But, I don't understand. Why are you coming to Earth?" snapping his fingers at something.

"..I have to come down to find a replacement for my job and it just so happens that I'm stationed in New York…" saying slowly, though I don't really know why

"That's great! Hilde will be overjoyed with the news! Me and Heero can pick you up!"

I froze, Heero pick me up? But, but he must hate me by now. Stumbling, I tried to protest, "No, Duo, surely he wouldn't want to after-"

"Don't be silly! It's about time for a reunion! No hard feelings!" shrugging it away like swatting a fly.

"…Doesn't he hate me?" dreading the answer. Surely he did!

"Princess, you'll be surprised at how wrong you are." Laughing again, some sort of message hidden in his voice.

Sudden hope washed over me. It was a dream come true that he didn't hate me, "Oh, I'm so glad. I was so worried." Letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding

"I don't blame you, really. But, I need to be going, it's getting late. I need to get back to Hilde before she notices I'm gone"

"Oh…Where are you then?" curious. Surely he would be with Hilde if it was late, wouldn't he? Glancing over only to accept the water Quatre offered, placing it to my lips waiting for reply

"Heero's" he nonchalantly replied.

I choked on the water Quatre had given me moments before, "What! Oh my-"

"here, I'll put him on for you" pulling the phone away from his face making his voice sounding farther away , "Come on, talk to her" "No, Duo, I don't think-" "Just do it, you wimp" "Maxwell, I'm warning you!" "Take the goddamn phone! You know you want to!" "Get away from me, Maxwell, if you want to live to see your kid be born!" "Now, that's not even funny, take the phone, so I can get back to Hilde before she notices I was gone" "That's your own problem-", "I had my reasons! Just take it!"

I allowed myself a small smile at their bickering. It was like nothing ever changed. Plus, I couldn't describe how good it felt to just hear Heero's voice after so long so I was surprised when suddenly it was a lot closer, clearer, and the more beautiful.

"Damn it, Duo, I don't –"and he paused, breathing into the phone. He lost. He hated losing.

"…Hi" I finally said into the phone. It felt awkward talking to him after so long.

"Hi…" I assumed he agreed.

"So…I'm coming to Earth…" trying to spark any conversation possible, awkward conversations weren't either of our favorites. I knew that much.

"I heard…you'll be here in two hours…" swallowing loudly. I could already see him, darting death glares at Duo, possibly already threatening to cut off his braid.

"How have you been?" trying to be bold, Quatre urging me on in the seat beside me with a curious smile on his face.

"Fine…busy…but fine….you?" calming down a little.

"I can't lie and say that I haven't been better…" truthfully saying but feeling guilty for pitying myself. I was the one who left him. I shouldn't be allowed any pity…

"Why's that?" There was something in his voice that gave me strength to say what I had been thinking for the last ten years, he always had that effect on me somehow. He had the ability to make the weak strong.

...

"I missed you"

SO! I don't want anybody to be confused. Relena made a mistake and left Heero to help her brother because he asked her to. Heero didn't want to go. It came down to getting a divorce. Ten years later and they still haven't spoken are still madly in love with each other. Hilde and Duo are having a baby. Relena gets fired and sent to Earth, same city where Heero is. Heero is forced on a date and doesn't like the girl simply because she isn't Relena. Relena makes a new friend, Quatre. DON'T WORRY! they **will **get back together. It just take's time.

I hope you've enjoyed it so far. I'm sorry for any confusion. I'm new at this. R&R? Thanks for reading.


	5. A Cold Reunion

Never was, Isn't Now, Never Will

Chapter Five

A Cold Reunion

It didn't take long to get to the airport, but nonetheless, it wasn't nearly quick enough. I almost killed Duo driving down here a dozen times but you could say it was payback. He had a habit to be a reckless driver

All I could think about was that first moment, the first glimpse, and the first…something of a reunion. But, even with all the excitement, I couldn't control the pain that clung just as strongly to my heart. This was the first time, in a long time, that I had seen the woman of my dreams since she had left me. It wasn't a good memory but it was most vivid memory of them all. When I paced from one foot from the other, wishing for a reunion full of forgivness and happiness, I knew it wouldn't be so.

Shoving frozen fingers into my wool pockets and out of the autumn air, I waited impatiently for a familiar face to emerge from the double entrance doors a couple yards from me. Duo had ventured inside to make sure the plane wasn't canceled or delayed in any way, plus he was cold. With each passing minute, I wish i had gone with him. 1. it was cold as fuck. 2. maybe it would get me that much closer to Relena. 3...it was cold as FUCK.

Grimacing at the thought of the braided idiot seeing her before i did, I was surprised at how excited I was when he came through the doors empty handed. He may have known her first but her heart was mine.

Masking my grinning expression, I grunted as he took his place beside me, holding up a cardboard sign saying "Your favorite braided idiot RIGHT HERE" with an arrow pointing down on him. I was only glad that he had finally admited that he was an idiot, but so were a lot of people. Although, how many _braided_ idiots did you meet on a day-to-day basis?

If she didn't see it she'd be blind, It _was_ written in a bundle of different colors thanks to the very excited Hilde. But, there was no telling what could have happened on Mars, how she could have changed. Pushing the thought away, I shoved past Duo to the heat of the car, and just as I was opening the door, pure warm heaven seeping out, Duo tugged on my jacket, almost receiving a fist in the face if it was any other situation.

"Heero, Heero, Heero, look!" pointing away from him, into the debts of the crowd pouring out the doors.

Just when I was about to scold him for pointing at nothing, I saw a glimpse of aqua blue eyes and blonde hair.

Her hair was shorter than it was the last time I had seen her, a shade darker too. Her face was more mature, worn, but beautiful either way. She still walked elegantly, straight and gliding because of strict parents now deceased. Her bright unchanged eyes darted over the crowd around her, squinting as the cold air slapped her face, hair blowing wildly in the wind. Then, just when I thought the moment wouldn't come, she looking in our direction, the crowd dissolving around her in my eyes.

Her eyes locked with mine, tears breaking any battle she may have fought to keep them at bay. Dropping her one bag, she bolted, faster than I imagined she'd go.

Before I knew it, I was walking to meet her, faster and faster with each step, until…

Our bodies crashed into each other, molding into one person. Her long arms wrapped around my neck and mine pressing her body closer to mine. For just a moment, it was like she had never left. It was like she had been here the whole time. For one blissful moment, I let myself forget everything she had done and drown into her scent.

"Heero, it's been so long" nuzzling her cold nose into my neck, sniffling away the tears, letting out humid puffs of air onto my bare neck.

Abruptly, all the happiness was swept away, and the pain set in. She had left me. She had left me to go far away for ten long years without a word. I don't know how it happened, but, suddenly, all the warmth i had just felt had frozen over...summer becoming winter without fall

Releasing her, prying her arms away from my neck, I softly pushed her away, "It's good to see you, Relena" my voice surprisingly cold, even to me as I backed away uncomfortably from her.

She stopped, the smile falling from her face, but quickly recovering, crying "Duo, I've missed you!" throwing her body away from me to be twirled around in a wide circle by Duo on impact, laughing wholeheartedly.

"Princess, oh it's been forever, girl! How dare you leave for so long! I had Relena withdrawals!" settling her to her feet, beaming at her in pure joy, almost refusing to let her go any further than an arm's length away.

That was how I was supposed to feel, pure joy, forgiving. A couple of hours ago I had been more than forgiving, I had been understanding. But now, seeing her here, I couldn't stop blaming her for all I went through in her absence. And, for some reason, I didn't care. For some reason, I amost wanted her to suffer for it. Almost.

Turning away from them, I went around Duo's black Honda civic to open the driver's side door, "You can stay out here all you want, but I'm cold." Slipping inside, sighing as the heat attacked my stinging skin.

Before I could slam the door, her voice stopped me, still having an annoying hold on me, "oh, Heero, wait! I met somebody on the shuttle that I'd like you to meet. I just saw him…" looking around, her sentence trailing off as she stood on tiptoes, looking for this new "somebody".

Another man and they just met? "We don't have all day, Rel-" Very aggrivated for having to wait and even more aggrivated I had to wait for another man!

"Oh, there he is! Quatre! Hey, Quatre, over here!" turning her attention back to Duo, "He was so nice to me on the plane when I was afraid to call you guys. Without him I wouldn't be standing with you now" walking away to meet this so called Quatre. I already didn't like him.

"Oh well isn't he sweet" glancing back to me with grin, "right, Heero?"

Ignoring him, I glared at the happy blonde wimpy guy as he approached, embracing Relena quickly before shaking hands with Duo, "You must be Duo, I heard all about you on the shuttle." Looking around a little, "and…where the infamous Heero Yuy?" settling his gaze on Relena with a quirked eyebrow.

Grinning wider, Duo pointed to the car, "He's in the car warming up his nuts" grinning as people from the crowd stopped in mid-step, overhearing him.

Relena blushed, and Quatre blushed even deeper before peering through the windows, Duo really should have tinted them, "Good to meet you, Heero. I've heard great things about you!" smiling brightly. Even with his polite greeting, all I wanted to do was punch that smile from his too happy face. I was only glad his voice was muffled, I didn't want to hear his complete cheerful voice, the voice he won over Relena with as it seems. With that thought, I wasn't to be mean to the man, very, very mean.

"Oh, is that so? I haven't heard a thing about you. Oh wait, I haven't heard anything for the past ten years." Relena tensed automatically, memorizing each and every detail of the ground, shrugging off any reassuring hand.

Turning away, I prepared to ignore Duo's glare before I heard his annoying voice speak unnecessarily loud, "Oh, Quatre do you have a ride?" boring holes into my skin as he spoke.

"Oh, I was just going to call a cab-" already accepting the invitation before it was even made.

"No need, my man, just hop in with us! I'm sure you won't mind a free ride, right?" opening the passenger door for them.

"I don't want to impose…"

"Think nothing of it, Quat! You're more than welcome…right, Heero?" grinning evilily at me.

Looking over, I glared, "Actually-"

Cutting me off, Duo took their luggage, "See? He would love for you to join us!" punching the trunk making it pop open with ease.

Multiple slams were heard before we were ready to go, and the rest of the ride there was silent, completely silent. But, no matter how much I hated it, I found myself glancing repetitively into the rearview mirror, watching Relena's blank face stare out window.

(Relena POV)

It wasn't what I had expected. From the way he had embraced me, closed the distance between us, I didn't expect his sudden coldness. Of course, when we had first met, he was just as cold until he got to know me. Before we knew it, we were engaged and spending every available minute together. That was of course a very different situation.

I only assumed he was uncomfortable with the reunion until he made a comment about how we hadn't spoken for ten years. Then, I was sure he wasn't uncomfortable. He was holding a grudge. Sadly enough, I couldn't blame him for it. I would hold a grudge against me too.

Glancing up, I saw him looking at me through the rearview mirror for the, now, twelfth time. Just as we lock into eye contact, he looks away, focusing on nothing but the road. Of course, I can't ask for it to be any other way, he was driving after all. But, if he weren't, and if i wasn't in the wrong, I would call him out on it. But, he _was_ driving, and i _was_ in the wrong.

Looking back out the passing scenery, I stare in awe on how different it seemed. The highways were more convenient, advanced compared to ten years ago. The buildings were just as tall, if not taller. The whole city in its self seemed completely new, refreshed, updated. I never expected to be gone so long to really see a difference. But all i seemed to see was differences before me.

Glancing over to the passenger beside me, I noted how uncomfortable Quatre was: stiff, fidgeting, eyes darting everywhere…

Sighing, I opened up for conversation, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment. The only thing really appealing at the moment was winning over Heero...but even that didn't seem possible at the present moment.

"So, Quatre, what's your business in New York?" it was like nails scratching a chalk board, breaking the silence

Startled he looked over at me, smiling warmly as he could in the cold atmosphere, "Oh, did I not tell you already?" a little puzzled, stuttering a little under Heero's ever growing glow

Shaking my head, I thought hard for a quick moment, "No…I don't think so. You were learning every detail about my life ten years previous instead" laughing lightly, glancing over to stare at Heero's shoulders. He had changed. He was stronger, fuller, and sharper than I remembered. Also, colder than ever, my new nickname for him would be Mr. Freeze if I planned to die anytime soon. Sadly enough, i wasn't suicidal, so i would just mock him mentally instead. _'Mr. Freeeeeeze! Mr. FreeeeeEeeeeze!'_

Quatre's voice cut through my inspection of him to much annoyance, "Oh, I suppose your right. I'm here to move in with some friends of mine, Trowa and Wufei-" hardly getting the words out before being interrupted.

"You're Trowa and Wufei's friends?" Duo asked, twisted unnaturally in the front seat to peer back at us, his braid coming deathly close to smacking Heero's in the face.

"…Yes, we went to boarding school together. We were all transfer students from the colonies-" obviously not used to this new character, the Duo character.

"I knew they were, but which colony are you from?" unbuckling his seat belt that must have been digging into his side, letting out a sigh of comfort as it snapped back to place

"Four-" hardly forming the full word

"Oh, that's right! They've mentioned that they were having an old friend come down from the Mars project! What a small world! What'd you do up there?" grinning from ear to ear. He loved meeting people that knew people he knew. He loved meeting new people period, or even ones he already knew.

"Oh, I did a lot of work on the blueprints for the buildings and-" trying to put it into smaller, easier words to understand for such an immature man.

"So you were one of those guys who said it was safe to live there in the first place?" clearly excited, glancing from Heero to me to him to Heero

"You could say that-" glancing at me, unsure

"Well, man, that's great. Me and your buds work with Heero down at his place, 'Pros and Cons'! It's an odd name isn't it?" throwing a grin at Heero, which was greeted with a glare, nothing new though

"What is it?" looking at me uncertainly

Before Duo had time to reply, I spoke but to my surprise, I wasn't the only one, "It's a restaurant" looking up at Heero. He was probably surprised I remembered it.

"A restaurant, oh, wow that's neat. What's the theme?" looking at me rather than Duo or Heero.

"It…had a bit of everything the last I heard anything about it" taking a chance to look up at the man in the driver's seat, "Is it still that way, Heero?" It was the third sentence I said to him since i had arrived.

Clearing his voice, he still couldn't seem to escape his deadpan tone, "Yeah, it has everything from seafood to barbeque, sandwiches to pastas, pizza to hamburgers" glancing back up in the rearview mirror

"Sounds great, I'll have to drop by sometime" Quatre finished, doing his best to smile at the back of Heero's seat, but failed miserably.

Finding the opportunity, Duo piped in, "Oh, well, you know what? Trowa and Wufei are off work tonight as are the rest of us, why don't we all go and try it out?" turning to face Heero, "How about it, Heero? How often do you get to eat at your own place?" apparently it wasn't very often.

"Hn" was his only reply

Grinning back at us, "It's a go" I was surprised he had mastered the Heero Yuy language that consisted of one sound 'hn'. It was a hard language to learn because that one sound could really mean a lot of different things.

Quatre only raised his eyebrows and looked at me in question, still fidgeting. Shrugging, I shook my head. When Heero was upset, nothing could change it. I only could wonder how long he had been upset.

I could only hope that somehow we could get past this just enough to talk it over.

If I couldn't have him as something more than a friend, I at least wanted to explain myself

Frowning at the thought, I realized something.

There was no way I could explain myself for my actions. We had been over it a thousand times before we even broke up. There wasn't any explaining left.

Looking at Heero again, I sighed inwardly.

If only he knew how much I regretted it…from the very moment I ended it.

I knew it had been wrong…

Catching his deep blue eyes again, I saw something there that I had seen all those years ago, pain.

'_I'm so sorry, Heero.' _I thought, looking back out the window, _'I love you'_

**Okay, think about it. I know we _all _want Heero and Relena back together but if someone broke up with you for a stupid reason, went away for ten years without a word, and came back again excepting everything to be okay, would you drop all grudges and get back together with them? Noooooo. But. **no fear. **They are GOING to get back together, I'll make sure of it. **:) I'm happy with this chapter, hope you are too... R&R? tilllllll next timmmmmme!


	6. I'm Sorry

Never was, Isn't Now, Never Will

Chapter Six

I'm Sorry

After a good hour or so of driving, I finally could give my legs a rest. Pulling into the small driveway, I pressed down on the break, threw the car into park, pulled up the stick, and turned the car off in a rush. Driving was never my favorite thing to do. Just on the way here, I had honked at four retarded drivers, flipped the bird at seven people, and screamed at twelve. But, I still argued I didn't have road rage.

Out of the corner of my eye, Duo turned around in his seat again, beaming with excitement, "Princess, Hilde is gonna be so excited to see you!"

Glancing up in the rearview mirror, I saw the flash of pain in her eyes before it faded away behind a fake smile. She felt guilty.

"I can't wait to see her. It's been so long…" fiddling with a strand of her hair, she always did that. Even when we were married.

'_When we were married…'_

Glancing down, jingling the keys in my hands, I waited for someone to get out. I didn't care who. I didn't care how. I just wanted someone to leave before I did. But, for some reason, it seemed like they were all waiting on me.

Groaning, I pushed open the door, grimacing as the autumn wind bit at my face. Immediately, the rest of the doors opened in unison. Bastards.

Before I could comment, the front door of Duo's house was thrown open and Hilde dashed out, stopping midway to stare in shock.

With a crunch of protest from the grass, Relena took a step from behind me, then another, and another.

As she passed, I saw something sparkle on her cheeks, tears. At that moment, I wanted to hold her once more, tell her it was okay. We forgave her. But, how could I? How could I do that when I wasn't sure if I forgave her myself?

Startled at a cry, I watched Relena dash across the short distance to Hilde, crashing into her with a hold of steel, "Hilde!"

"Relena!" hugging her back, tears of her own crashing down her face

With another cry, but this one of joy, Duo pounced on them both with one of his infamous bear hugs, jumping up and down, smiling like a mad man. I could hate that man. I really could.

But, I couldn't help from smiling.

Catching my eye, Hilde waved me over, but I stood still, planted to the ground. Or, maybe I should say I was frozen. I hate the cold.

Frustrated, she called out, causing a scene, "Heero, get your small ass over here and join this bear hug! You'll warm up!" looking at the blonde behind me, waving him over too, "you too, new guy!"

Quatre, I think that's his name, blushed like a tomato. He wasn't a bad guy. But, he was Relena's "new friend". I didn't like her "new friends". They should go away.

Shaking his head, he held up his hands, "No, this has nothing to do with me…"

Barking, Hilde stopped her foot, holding on tight to both Duo and Relena at the same time, "get you're the blonde ass over here!" glaring at me, "Heero!"

Hesitant, thinking she might morph into some sort of demon, I made my way to them, stopping a few inches away. I would not willingly join this orgy. No, I would not.

Before I could blink twice, a series of arms tugged me into a crowd of bodies and the next thing I knew I was pressed up against Relena between Hilde and Duo. They set that up. I knew they did. But, I wasn't sure I was upset about it.

Looking down, staring at her roots, I could just imagine her blushing a cute crimson, embarrassed, nervous, and afraid. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

When I was about to make my exit, her arms tangled around my waist, pressing her cheek against my chest, frizzing up her hair at the contact. With her small movement, the rest of the group, including the newbie, came in closer, forcing me to hold on to the petite beauty against me.

Freezing, burying my nose in her hair, I breathed heavy in efforts to make warmth.

"Cold, Heero?" her voice rose just enough to graze my eardrums

Smirking slightly, I shrugged if it was possible in the cramped circle, "You could say that"

Looking up, her eyes taking hold of my mine with dangerous force, she frowned, "I'm sorry, Heero"

Confused, I shook my head, raising an eyebrow, "It's not your fault that the seasons cha-"

"No, Heero-" cutting me off sharply, "I'm sorry"

Suddenly, I realized she was no longer talking about the weather or my chilled state. She was talking about-

"Alright, guys! The pregnant lady is cold! Everyone inside" Hilde yelled loudly, stopping anybody's thoughts in a mile radius.

With some difficulty, the arms unlocked, space was made, and everyone broke apart. I lost hold of the woman in my arms.

With one last mournful glance, she walked away, following the group inside, her hair whipping around.

I couldn't do anything but watch, like if I looked away she would disappear. I had lost her once.

I didn't want to lose her again.

Following slowly, my feet like weights; I made my way into the warmth inside, the heat burning my face at contact in a blissful burn. I couldn't hold in my sigh of contentment.

A voice to my right startled me, "You don't like me do you?"

Looking over sharply, I saw the blonde peeling off wool gloves, not looking at me. Even though I didn't try to hide my feelings toward him, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for him saying something about it I never truly wanted to hurt someone. Well, there's always Duo.

"I don't even know you" I replied, not voicing any regret for my actions

"You don't like that I came with Relena"

At the sound of her name, he had my attention. But I couldn't say anything.

"You don't have to worry, Heero. She doesn't like me that way, and I'm not interested in her. I helped her out when she was struggling on the shuttle and accompanied her here" glancing at me

A wave of relief washed over me, stunning me, "I didn't-"

"You didn't think I was interested? That's a lie." The room was empty aside from us

"Wh-" a little angry at his smart remark but it wasn't like it wasn't true

"She loves you"

With that, he walked away, leaving me alone in thought.

She loved me.

* * *

**So..apparently I've had this chapter for awhile now O.o. And i never updated it. BUT I THOUGHT I DID! SO...im sorry. But i guess you'll be getting two chapters today XD**

**R&R?**


	7. I was There

Never was, Isn't Now, Never Will

Chapter Seven

I Was There

She loved me.

Of course she loved me, I knew she loved me. She couldn't hide anything from me and never could. Unless she became an award winning actress on Mars, I'm pretty sure I can still read her. Pretty sure

For a moment, I gazed into the dim room, eyeing the ocean of light seeping from the arch way. In that room was my heart, which was stolen ten years ago. Well, I gave it away.

Sighing, stepping forward, ignoring the thump of my shoes on the floor, I put myself into view in the kitchen. It was like nothing had changed from the sight I saw. Duo was with Quatre, beer in hand, pointing from one picture frame to another on the wall. Cutting vegetables and seasoning varied meats on the counter were the girls, chatting quietly with a, "really?" every now in then catching everyone's attention.

This was how it was ten years ago. We were friends just hanging out; helping with dinner, talking about what happened last week, what she said, what he did. This was our lives that we lived. This is what we were. This was what we've been missing, maybe even the new blonde.

"Heero, can you go ask Duo whether he wants pie or ice cream for dessert?" Hilde's voice said, breaking through my swarm of thoughts. I was caught like a deer in headlights.

It was then that I realized Duo and Quatre were gone, and I was just standing there in the kitchen being stared at by two females that I knew so well. When I didn't answer, Hilde turned to Relena, smiling sadly, "Since Heero is incapable of small tasks, can you go ask Duo and your little blond friend for me?"

Before the protests escaped my lips, Relena had already slipped into the back room where I guessed Duo had disappeared. I would have followed. I would have. If only Hilde wasn't such a nosey Preggo.

"You seem happy" with that accusing Hilde tone.

Ignoring her, I peeled back my coat, hovering it above a chair ready to drop.

"Ah Ah Ah, that's what coat racks are for Heero." Glaring at me through brown bangs

Letting out a frustrated breath, I returned the clump of fabric to rest on my arm, eyeing her with an 'are you happy now?' stare, but just in case she didn't get my hidden message, I said it anyway, "Are you happy now?"

Glancing up, grinning, she nodded, "quite"

But, knowing her, I knew there was more than that to it, "I see…" hoping to avoid the conversation anyway

"So Relena looks quite sorry-"

But she never needed an invitation to start a conversation, "I really don't want to talk about this right now, Hilde."

"And when would be good for you? I have nine months of free time, Heero, just tell me when"

Looking from the doorway that Relena disappearing in and back to Hilde, I could see the frustration that I didn't see before, "I don't know what your problem is but-"

"You didn't see her after she left you, Heero. That was ten years ago and she still hasn't changed. Since that day, she has been regretting it"

"What makes you so sure-"

"Don't play dumb, Heero. I know she hurt you and she was wrong to do it but you-"

Her lecture was cut short with Relena standing in the doorway, fiddling with the fabric on her sleeves, casting her gaze past our heads. I didn't know how long she had been there, nothing wrong was really said, but I knew it didn't make her feel at home.

Hilde's face fell, putting down the cutting knife, "Relena-" stepping forward

With a quick pop of her knuckles, the woman focused her gaze on Hilde, masking any discomfort that was there, "Duo wants both and will be disappointed if he doesn't get both" a little edge in her voice

But instead of walking towards her original place by Hilde, cutting onions, she walked toward and past me to the living room with Hilde following, "Relena, where are you going?" worried

Without turning around, she slipped back on her coat and opened the door, "I'm going to go find a hotel-" squinting as flurries scratched at her face.

"Relena, no, you can stay with us, its fine" getting Duo's attention from his entrance from the kitchen, "Duo, tell her she can't leave yet" half pleading with him, half commanding. It was the way she was, always has been

Having been her friend longer than us all, his face softened and his shoulders slumped slightly, eyeing the girl of his childhood standing in a cold doorway, "Relena, would you like to go for a drive?"

Everyone was confused but I think we all could tell, if Relena could talk to anyone it'd be Duo. Maybe that was what always made me jealous about their relationship. She could always talk to him so much easier than she could with me. What was it about Duo that made her so comfortable?

But, before I could think it over any longer, she nodded silently, glancing at Quatre before exiting out the door. I guess she was just going to leave him here. But, glancing back at him, I think he understood something I didn't.

That didn't make me too happy either.

Giving Hilde a quick kiss, and me a raised eyebrow, Duo headed for the door. But something, I had to say something…

"Duo.."

Stopping in the doorway, hand on the handle; he looked back, "Buddy?" without his cheery tone he used so often

Watching him, his softer features absent of any goofy smirk, I opened my mouth, "What is it about you that makes it so easy to talk to?"

I think everyone wanted to know

He didn't answer for a few moments, looking at me for a good long time before answering.

But even when he did, I didn't really understand him.

"I was there"

With that, he walked out the door, clicking it to a shut. With a roar of an engine, they left.

It wasn't long before Hilde ushered Quatre in the kitchen to help her finish preparing for dinner but I just stayed there in the living room, watching the door.

Hilde didn't seem bothered by the comment, and Quatre didn't seem the slightest bit curious about it.

Was I just blind? What could I not see?

Turning away from the door, dropping my coat on the coat rack as I walked away, I took my spot on the left corner of the couch. The room was still dark, but I didn't really care.

My mind only traveled to the past, where smiles lasted and everything made sense.

* * *

**This chapter has been long overdue. I'm sorry. Specially to rels haha. I made you wait forever! Hopefully I'll get more ideas soon. I'm trying to keep from writing a new story all together till im done with two stories. But, thank you for the reviews. Hope for an update soon. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and more to come. **

**R&R-Oblivious-Bystander**


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